Thoughts

I allowed myself a goal of 1000 because 100 is unrealistic in my world at this moment.

Thursday - 1/12/12

1/2c Beef w/Broccoli +164

1c White Rice +150

2 Crab Rangoon +140

1 Spring Roll +200

Iced Green Tea +0

Turkey Sandwich +405 [plain bagel: 290/ 1oz rf plain cc: 70/ 1 slice smoked turkey breast: 25/ 2 slices tomato: 6/ 1 leaf lettuce: 2/ 12 slices cucumber: 12]

Iced Acai Berry Tea +0

Actual: 1059

Goal: 1000

Apparently, 1000 is completely unrealistic. my hunger is starting to get to me. I went the first two days, well under 600 and 500 calories for the day, but today was difficult. Maybe it was because it was the 3rd day. Or maybe it’s because my best friend was home. I don’t know. either way today was hard. I’m actually very hungry right now. I was hungry when I woke up and I was hungry after i took my last bite or each meal. Today was really difficult. I should have just had white rice and beef with broccoli (or not at all but that was not a choice) and i should have use honey wheat bread instead of a plain bagel. I know the choices I should have made but I listened to my stomach instead of my mind today…. 

Anyway, I’m gonna get ready for bed. I have to work 10am-530pm tomorrow and I’m so hungry right now that I’m gonna make bad decisions if I don’t sleep. See ya tomorrow!

Wednesday - 1/11/12

green tea +0

salad +109 [6 yellow cherry tomatoes: 16/ 1.5c salad mix: 15/ 1/2c cucumbers: 8/ 1tbsp kraft italian dressing: 70]

broccoli +40

michelina’s pasta&chicken +290

Iced green tea +0

Actual: 439 

Goal: 500 

 I think tomorrow is a 100 calorie day… It’s gonna kick my ass if it… I know for a fact I can’t do 100… ugh. We’ll see.

Today was a 600 calorie day and I’m pretty sure I stayed well under.

Intake:

Green Tea +0

Italian sausage egg white scramble +314[sausage: 260/ 2egg whites: 34/ 1/4cup stir fry veggie mix: 20]

Clementine +35

Clementine +35

Iced Green Tea +0

3 bites Cinnamon Crunch Bagel +55

12oz Iced SF Vanilla Soy Latte +80

Actual: 520

Goal: 600

I forgot how invigorating it was to have less than 1000 calories in your body and go to home with a grumbling tummy. Today was an easy day.

I got up at 8am. Sat around for about an hour after talking to pups out. Decided to make a cup of tea and got distracted by the kitchen and started putting dishes away and putting dishes into the dish washer and cleaning out the microwave. Then finally made myself some green tea around 11am and as it was brewing I decided to clean out the cat’s litter box and get socks. Then I finally drank my tea around 12noon and decided to make myself something for lunch. Then after lunch I had get ready for work, take the pups out and made myself another cup of tea for work. I worked 4-11pm without taking a break. I got a bagel around 9pm-ish just to appease my boss, so she doesn’t think i’m strange or something. Cause the girls and I were talking about food because one of the girls had to go on break and my boss was saying that she hadn’t eaten yet and I had said that I only ate at 130 before work. Both the girls asked if I wanted anything and of course at the time I denied it. I had no desire to eat, but I felt that I should get something when someone offers and everyone else is taking stuff home. So yeah that’s why I had 3 bites of a bagel late at night.

Anyway, this is the long unnecessary post.

Wake up: 6am
Take dogs out; feed dogs and cat; get ready for work; take diet pills; biotin; and vitamins; Eat breakfast: 6am-640am
Work: 7am-3pm
Break/Lunch: 10/11am
Get Nails Filled: 3pm-4ish
Go home, Let dogs outs, Take a Nap: 4ish-9pm
Dinner with the BFF:9pm (yeah yeah I know)
Hang out: 9pm-1130pm
Sleep: midnight until whenever.

I’ll work out somewhere in there. I need plan out my foods before I go to bed tonight. That’s obviously a rough schedule.

Breakfast: Fruit Smoothie (1/2c frozen mixed fruit, 1/2c Ice, 1/4c V8 Juice) & FiberOne bar
Lunch: Strawberry Poppyseed Chicken Salad - no chicken, no pecans, almonds instead (for protein).
Dinner: I’m not sure. I have to look in the fridge after work tomorrow. It’ll probably be high calorie. I just know. 

I’d better go to bed now.

One of my coworkers bought this diet pill: Healthe trim. She told me about it yesterday and she brought me one today.

I hadn’t felt hungry all day, but I’m still tired.
I guess it kinda works. Or it’s my mind convincing me it works.

All I’ve consumed today is: 2cups water, 1 fiber one caramel&oats bar, 1/2 can of diet coke, Healthe trim diet pill, 3cups water, 16oz Soy Chai latte.

I’m gonna make rice for dinner and have it with left over chicken.

I’m gonna work out. I may have the energy to do so. 4 minute work out, 5 minute metabolism booster work out, Crazy No-equipment Cardio & Toning Work out, Bombshell Abs. I wanna run, but I’m so tired that I’ll be lucky if I can get through these work outs.

Better get started.

It happened at work. I was talking to my manager about how i’m terrified of our walk-in oven and that I feel like I’m gonna burn my arms one day. And then, I back up into a hot tray that I placed on the rack behind me and burnt my arm!

My manager was like “oh you’re alright. it’s not that bad” and then it started to get worse, even after I put some burn ointment on it. It started to bubble and now it’s scarring.

My manager sees it and he’s like “OH BABY GIRL!!! let’s put some ointment on it!” and I was like “I did and now it’s bubbling” It looks like there are two horns on it. It hurts and my arm is sore. It looks pretty nasty and my manager was like “burn victim do i have to put a bandaid on it?!” cause I was telling everyone I worked with today about it and showing it lol Sometimes I’m 5.

But anyway, I feel like if I wasn’t so fat I wouldn’t have gotten burnt. I didn’t even back up that far, but because I’m a fat cow and sort of movement is fatal. I was walking into everything and just a hot mess today.

I had breakfast at work… four cheese souffle and bacon&cheese on blueberry bagel.
Then I got Chipotle… Steal burrito bowl with rice, black beans, steak, tomato, medium sauce, sour cream (BIG NO NO!), cheese (EXTRA LARGE NO NO!), and lettuce. With tortilla chips and a Iced Tea.
The BFF wants to get olive garden. I’m gonna try to look up calories and see what I can have… Just cause I had a shitty start doesn’t mean I should keep it that way… 

I know I should work out, but I am not motivated. I know I will, but as of this moment… nope.

Anyway, how’s everyone else doing?

Goal: 600

I won’t be upset if I have 900 calories though.
I know I should pick a diet, but I won’t because I’ll cry if I can’t stick to anything. I forgot about it the last couple of days and haven’t had self-control of motivation to work out.

Today is different (I say this every time…)

REGAIN SELF-CONTROL. RID SELF-HATRED. 

Today I went to the grocery store to deposit my check (there’s a bank at the grocery store I go to (it’s strange to me, but it’s convenient.)) Anyway, I went to buy dish washer detergent. Then I got sucked into buy stuff for a salt water cleanse I haven’t done in several months. Got the those ingredients and now I’m sitting here waiting for the perfect time to do it even though I should make the laxative tea now… (and so I do).

I was just reading the box for laxative tea and I’m supposed to drink the tea before bed… Well, it’s says preferably. This is gonna be awesome… I’m most likely going to have to go to bathroom all day a work… SWEET!!! :/ not.

Anyway, I’m reading into my Sea Salt Colon Cleanse and I’m supposed to drink the laxative tea about one to two days before doing the cleanse and I’m supposed to do the cleanse in the morning before I consume anything… And silly me went to the gas station to fill up my car and then came out of the store with a Large French Vanilla Iced Latte and beef jerky…. SWEET!!!! I am all sorts of failure today….

Anyway, I don’t feel comfortable starting this diet without doing this properly, but you know what. I’m gonna drink the laxative tea now, then do the cleanse anyway and shoot for a calorie intake between 600 and 900.

I’m gonna work out today and I’m gonna just deal with my stomach aches. Today I need to cleanse anyway, even if it’s not the expected way.

Here’s the link for the cleanse. 
The Laxative tea that I bought is Traditional Medicinals: Organic Smooth Move SENNA Stimulant Laxative Tea. It takes about 6-12hours to produce a bowel movement, if one cup is consumed before bedtime. So we’ll see how much I fuck this up shall we.

Anyway, good luck everyone. Not that anyone reads this.

i am exhausted today.

i just took like a 4 hour nap and am STILL exhausted.

I had McDonald’s for dinner at like 245pm today. I had to work at 5am this morning so breakfast was 445am and Lunch (which was my break) was at 930am. So I’m done for the day.

I’m gonna do the 4 minute work out and the 30 Day Shred. I haven’t done to 30 Day Shred in a couple days…. UGH! I’m just do exhausted!

I have the worst tummy ache ever today!
Last night I spent the day with my best friend. She came home early on Monday (I wasn’t expecting her to come back until Tuesday afternoon). So Monday my eating habits were little horrendous and yesterday they were TERRIBLE!

I snacked a bit on Monday.
Yesterday I ate sooo much! I didn’t snack even though I really wanted to, but I I did have chinese and movie theater popcorn

And now I have a terrible stomach ache.

I know I need to eat today, but I can’t decide between unhealthy left overs or something I really don’t want.

Anyway, I have to work out before I can eat first. I’m gonna do the 4 Minute Work Out 4 times and then I’ll eat something… ughhh. I HATE MYSELF AND MY BRAIN AND IT’S TEETERING BETWEEN HEALTHY AND UNHEALTHY! Unhealthy on both ends of the spectrum…. 

Ugh I have to work out before I go to work, so I’d better go.

I have to pee so bad that I can’t even think about working out. I’ve been drinking tons of water and tea that every time I get ready to work out I have to pee…

Which means I have yet to work out…

The plan is 4 rounds of the 4 Minute Work Out and 1 round of the 30 Day Shred and some ab work outs. ONCE I CAN STOP HAVING TO PEE TO SO MUCH!!!!

today I weigh 168.8 :)
I think I started at 174 when I started working out committedly and watching my intake. 

Well, tata for now :)